and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
