she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
