i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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