i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
