You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
