Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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