I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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