something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
