nut hugger
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
