well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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