I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
