did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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