Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
