Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
