there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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