I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
