I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
