ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
