So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
