So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
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For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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