my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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