Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize