I'm gonna have a badass scar
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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