So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
