I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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