You're my little dorito
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT