the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.