Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
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I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.