His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Damn victory sex feels great