I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome