proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
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He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I FOUND THE LEGS
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica