When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.