he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I need water and some morals
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