I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
