please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
