We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
