Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
