So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
