she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
