thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
