you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
