he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
