He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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