I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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