I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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