Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
