Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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