Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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