Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
