im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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