i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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