You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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