i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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