Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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