I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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