between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
