the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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