"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
