Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
