He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
