I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
