You made me cry and you don't even care
...so i touched it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize